Life often throws us curve balls, and I was reminded of this the other day as I had to deal with a flat car battery, and suddenly my plans for the day were thrown out the window and I was left scrambling! As far as emotional upheavals go this was fairly minor thankfully, but I still found myself sitting there feeling pretty angry, frustrated, and stressed about how the day was going to go. At that point, I realized I was getting wound up so I used a quick 2-minute technique that we often teach our clients, so I thought I would share it here too.

This is a very simple approach that can be used to give you more of a birds-eye or helicopter view on the situation so that you may effectively handle it. The good news is that it only takes a few minutes to do this! We remember the stages of the process with the acronym STOP:

Stop

Stop what you’re doing and step back from the situation, in your own mind, and perhaps even by changing locations if you think that would be helpful. Give yourself at least 2 minutes to do the next steps.

Take breaths

Take ten breaths – slowly and mindfully. As best you can, commit to noticing the body sensations and changes with every inhale and exhale, either by focusing on the air coming in and out of your nostrils or the rise and fall of your chest or belly.

Observe

Observe your internal experiences, without criticizing yourself and without trying to change what’s there. Can you label the emotions you’re feeling? Where do you feel these in your body? Are you aware of the qualities of these physical sensations (e.g. any movement like pulsing or throbbing, or temperature)? Are these sensations changing from moment to moment?

Proceed

Proceed – go back to the situation and take action in line with your values. You may not get a choice about what happens to you or what feelings get triggered, but you do get to choose your actions. You can choose whether you take action that brings you closer to or further from what’s really important to you and the kind of person you want to be in this life.

After completing this activity, you may still be feeling strong emotions, particularly if life has dealt you a really nasty curveball. The aim isn’t to get rid of the tough feelings; instead, it’s to take a step back and become disconnected from them. Hopefully, this will provide you with another viewpoint so that you can choose how you react in the scenario rather than reacting automatically.

What is a curve ball?

A curve ball is when life throws you an unexpected problem or change that makes you rethink the plans you had for your day, week, or future. Life can sometimes throw us curve balls in the form of a loved one getting sick, an unexpected bill coming in the mail, losing our job, etc. It’s anything that forces us to stop what we are doing and ‘deal with it’ in order to move forward.

How do I use this technique?

There are 6 steps to managing life’s curveballs using STOP:

Stop what you’re doing and give yourself at least 2 minutes to complete the next 4 steps. Also, consider changing physical locations if that would help take pressure off everything you’re juggling now.

Take breaths Take ten breaths slowly and mindfully with the intention to notice what’s present with every inhale and exhale. Observe your internal experiences without criticizing yourself or trying to change what’s there. You may label the emotions you’re feeling, where they are in your body, whether they are changing over time, etc. Proceed back into action with consideration of your values. How does this situation affect my goals? Does acting now align with my goals for this life? Choose an appropriate response that will best align you with your intended future self

After completing STOP, you may still feel strong unpleasant emotions if life has given you a really nasty curve ball. The aim is not to get rid of the strong emotions, but to take a moment and become disconnected from them so you can choose your actions.

What curveballs have I experienced recently?

This is an example of a time that life threw me a curveball. I had just come home from work when my mom called to tell me that she was unexpectedly visiting us in the city where we live for a week. Not only did I have to quickly figure out how to rearrange our living room furniture so my parents would have somewhere comfortable to sleep, but also how I was going to make this extra person in our tiny apartment feel welcome during their visit since they don’t know anyone here in the city yet. Since it’s the middle of winter, there were a lot of errands to run besides the grocery store to make my parents feel at home – I needed to buy them a microwave, toilet paper, extra pillows and blankets, etc. This unexpected curveball really made me stop what I was doing and cope with it in order to move forward.

Who can this technique help?

Anyone who is trying to juggle multiple things but needs an easy way to regain focus or manage their emotions. People who often find themselves “in the zone” so much so that they easily forget about what else is going on around them. Anyone wanting more control over their behavior when suddenly thrust into a tough situation.

What are some benefits of using this technique?

This method helps you become aware of your thoughts and emotions without analyzing yourself for extended periods of time. It can also help you see things from a new perspective and become more mindful of the present moment.

In what situations might this technique be useful?

This technique is useful in any situation that requires focus or self-control, such as public speaking, a job interview, a test, texting, and driving, etc.

How long does it take to master this skill?

It may take some practice but with dedication, most people can master using STOP over time.  Practice deep breathing exercises daily so your body becomes more familiar with calming itself down during stressful situations. Doing this will make it easier to stop what you’re doing when necessary instead of remaining calm on the outside but feeling panicked on the inside.

What are some other benefits of this technique?

STOP is a great way to become mindful of the present moment instead of focusing on your thoughts about the past or future, which often leads you to feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. It will also help you feel more connected with others instead of being “lost in your head” all the time because you’re constantly worrying about what’s coming next or dwelling on what happened earlier that day.

How to react when life throws a curveballs

When life throws you a curveball and unexpected situations whatsoever that make you feel helpless it is good to take a deep breath and behave in your best self, family members and friends are the first go-to people to reach out to when such unexpected things happen.

In order to live the best life the way to deal with any of these circumstances is to think from a different perspective to reduce worry. Taking small steps in this crisis helps you to cope and control thinking, listening, and coping around the curveball.

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Take a deep breath, and consider what it is you would be doing if you had all the time in the world. Then take a look at what will help move that forward e.g. having to work from home means I need to get rid of distractions from around me

The purpose of this activity is to get you thinking about how best to achieve your life goals while managing curveballs effectively. It can also remind us that no matter how big our problems seem, we’re not alone in experiencing them, and there are steps we can take to deal with them mindfully and productively. This aims to help us react rather than automatically acting out old reactions because they worked before or maybe did something for us in the past but they are no longer beneficial to us now.

Our job is often to work with what life throws at us, rather than desperately trying to change it. Most things are out of our control, but our reactions are within reach if we choose them mindfully and consider the big picture.

Take care of yourself first then help others later

The guidelines that I have always followed in my daily activities are as follows: take care of myself, make sure I am completely relaxed before helping somebody else who requires assistance because most likely they will not respect my time or understand how valuable it is to me. Other people are usually more concerned about their own affairs rather than worrying about somebody else’s problems so you must value yourself first. You can’t help yourself if you are always running to someone else’s rescue. So take care of your own business first before dealing with other people’s problems.

Why life gives us curveballs?

People experience these unexpected events all the time in their lives, whether it is something that just pops up or something that they have been struggling with for a while. I believe that the reason why these curveballs keep appearing in our lives is because by resolving them will help us grow and learn how to be more responsible adults which will lead to self-improvement. This makes life much more interesting but also challenging at times when we don’t expect things out of the blue to happen all of a sudden.

How Can You Deal With Curveball?

There are ways that you can deal with curveballs by following these steps:

– Take a deep breath and be mindful of what is actually happening in the present moment, rather than panicking about what may happen or have happened.

– Be aware of your thoughts about this unexpected situation. Is your stress level increasing because of all the negative things running through your mind? If so, try to bring yourself back into the present moment by focusing on how things are at this very moment rather than how they will be in an hour’s time or tomorrow.

– Get perspective, this helps you to work out what is actually important right now because you are probably thinking too much about everything that has happened and trying to solve it all at once which can lead to feeling overwhelmed even more. Try focusing on one thing at a time rather than worrying about the future or past.

– Think about what may have caused this unexpected curveball to occur. Is there anything that you could have done differently? Did someone else cause it? How can you resolve the issue? What are your next steps?

– Work out whether your response is helping or hindering the situation, if so perhaps try changing your response because whatever pattern of behavior may have worked in the past may not be beneficial for you right now.

– Did something similar happen to someone else before? If so, what did they do about it and how did it affect them? What could have been a better way of dealing with it?

– Could this curveball help you to grow a little bit more as a person and develop yourself even further? Is there an opportunity here to practice being more resilient or flexible or maybe just try something new that you have been putting off for some time now due to being scared of trying something different from your comfort zone?

– How can you use this curveball experience to show compassion towards yourself rather than feeling negative self-talk because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes at times. Practice compassion by giving yourself a break for not being perfect and that you are doing the best that you can under difficult circumstances.

– Remember to take time out for yourself once in awhile, even if it is just 5 minutes of peace and quiet with no distractions whatsoever. A bit of me time never hurt anyone, especially if they are feeling stressed or overwhelmed.